David Heath-Whyte
NB: This is what I intended to say, for the genuine article, listen to the audio version
Intro
Car crash
On Tuesday evening I was involved in a car accident in Sainsbury's car park - nobody was hurt, and it wouldn't be fair to comment on what happened, but in those moments after the big bang, as the flying flakes of paintwork floated down to the ground, I was aware that in the next few minutes there was something that would be very important: my words, the things that I said.
The first thing I said was to myself: "David, be calm!". Then there was a quick arrow prayer zooming it's way to God: "Please help me to be calm and nice"
It could make a real difference, couldn't it? In the next few moments, as I came face to face with the other driver, what I said and the way I said it was going to be important. It could end up with a blazing row, or we could gently and politely exchange our details and let the insurers sort it out.
And the words I was about to use could have eternal consequences. A blazing row wouldn't be very helpful to the Gospel - I wasn't wearing a dog collar, but my address and my answerphone message would give the game away - and she'd soon be thinking "call himself a Christian?! - I always knew Christianity was rubbish"
So you'll be pleased to hear that I did pretty well - a peaceful outcome. Then I sat down to wait for the RAC, and ate one of the buy-one-get-one-free ice creams that was melting in the boot.
big impact
"How we speak" can have a big impact.
How often have you heard someone say "But all I said was...."
It might just have been a small thing - but the consequences were huge. And it's no joke - families can be ripped apart by what we say, not talking for years - "but all I said was..."
The workplace can become a frosty, hostile environment, pushing stress to sky high levels - "but all I said was..."
A church can become a depressed, unwelcoming, introverted bunch of people - "but all I said was..."
I wonder what you're like with your words? What comes out of your mouth? Praise, gossip, truth, lies, help, quarrels... ?
Do you sometimes plan what you're going to say to someone? What kind of thing do you plan?
And when you just react instinctively with words - what do you end up saying?
It seems to have become trendy these days to be "lippy" We answer back - that's what assertiveness is all about. And we might do damage, but: "It's just me - I'm just like that - I'm a gobby kind of person - I give as good as I get"
Is that what God wants?
Does our trust in Jesus' saving love for us have any affect on our mouths?
Proverbs
We're looking at the book of Proverbs at the moment, and it has a lot to say about Words.
The book comes mostly from Solomon's time, around 950BC - the opening 9 chapters are poetry about why Wisdom is a great thing, and then the rest of the book is a collection of Wisdom sayings to look at and think about.
They don't so much give us answers, as provoke us to ask questions of ourselves:
Am I like that? Do I think like that? Is that what I think is important?The point is to shape the way we think - to help us to think God's way about things - to be wise.
What does Proverbs say about speech?
Proverbs shows us The power of Words: there are words that destroy and words that build.
The Power of Words
First of all, the Power of Words
big impact again
There's no escaping it - words have a big impact, they can have huge consequences:
(Proverbs 12:18) Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
(Proverbs 15:1) A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
(Proverbs 15:4) The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.
"Oh but I'm just a gobby person," we say - but what kind of person do we want to be - and what kind of person does God want us to be?
The exciting thing about words, that Proverbs pushes us to see, is that just as much as they can tear people down and destroy - we can use words to build up and encourage and bring peace as well.
Words are powerful, and with God's help we can harness that power for good. In particular, if we (as people who live for Jesus) are different in how we use our speech, and our friends and colleagues/family notice, then it can actually help someone to see how important & real Jesus is.
Jesus is important
forgiveness
And the Lord Jesus Christ is very important and real - he the Son of God, he was involved in creating the universe, it's all for him - but not only that, he is the only one who can forgive us when we've misused the power of words.
In a moment we're going to look at Words that Destroy - and it's not just an academic subject, is it? We've all used words wrongly at some time or another. It might even be a habit that we didn't think was wrong - but listen to what God says:
Proverbs 6:16-19 There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: 17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, 18 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, 19 a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.
What does God hate? Well stirring a quarrel is in the same list as murder.
Jesus himself said: (Matthew 5:21) "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment... anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell."
The way we have used words - the way we have abused their power, puts us under God's judgement.
(Proverbs 19:5) "A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who pours out lies will not go free."
And it is only the forgiving power of the death of the Lord Jesus that can take that away.
Did you ever get threatened with having your mouth washed out with soap and water, because of something you'd said?
Soap and water is not enough - the only way God can look at us and see a clean mouth, is if we have turned around and received Jesus' death in our place, by trusting in him.
new life
And Jesus' sacrifice sorts out everything, not just our lips - so that we can begin a new life, with God the Holy Spirit within us.
Today is Pentecost Sunday - a reminder of when Jesus first sent the Holy Spirit to believers.
Now, when we become Christians, when we repent and believe, we receive the Holy Spirit of God. He lives with us - and part of his work is to change us, to transform us to be more and more like Jesus.
He can help us to be like Jesus with our words: using the power they have, not to destroy, but to build.
The Power of Words.
Words that Destroy
Let's look then, at the abuse of that power: Words that Destroy.
Amongst the proverbs, you can find a lot about the negative impact of our speech - and Lying, Gossipping, and Quarrelling, come in for a lot of criticism.
Lies
First lies - Perhaps at work we think a little half-truth will sort out a mess we're in without us losing face?
Proverbs 26:28 A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin.
Our lips show the state of our hearts - to lie is to hate people, and: Proverbs 12:22 The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.
Gossip
Then Gossip - spreading information about people (true or otherwise), behind their back.
Proverbs 11:13 "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret."
People love gossip - (Proverbs 26:22) "The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts." - but gossip means that the wrong people hear the wrong things, and that creates problems (Proverbs 26:20) "Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down."
In our church set-up we need to particularly careful - in homegroups and prayer meetings we talk about things which are personal, so that we can pray, and help each other - but we need to be careful (don't we) that we don't go telling, gossipping, those private things to anyone else.
Quarrelling
And then quarrels - disagreements that go on and on and on.
Proverbs 17:14 Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
Families are the usual forum for quarrels - and just like breaching a dam, one wrong word can make years of disagreement spill out.
In a church - a quarrel can wreak havoc - dividing whole congregations, stopping people from hearing about Jesus. "Drop the matter" is good advice.
We often think a quarrel is really about right and wrong - "we're right, and they're wrong" - but listen to what Wisdom tells us about quarrels:
Proverbs 17:19 He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction.
Proverbs 13:10 Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.
Quarrels come from sin - sinful pride - refusing to be humble and listen to advice, to heed another point of view.
Damage Done
Words that destroy: Think about the damage that's done in a workplace through Gossip, Quarrels and Lies.
Mary discovers that Sue is gossiping about her, so she doesn't trust Sue any more. But the next day Mary needs Sue to give her some advice on a contract. She won't ask her, because of the gossip, the work doesn't get done, so she has lie to her boss about it. And it just goes on and on, doesn't it?
And if we're involved in those damaged relationships, then how will we ever be able to share the good news of Jesus?
So how can we stop this, because it's so instinctive, isn't it?
We need God to help us - we need Jesus to clean up our mess, because we've used words in a sinful way, and only Jesus the Saviour can clean us up.
And then God can help us to change - by the work of the Holy Spirit:
starting with his Word - the Proverbs themselves, pointing us in the direction of change;
working on our minds to help us to be Wise;
and then prompting us, as we get on with living, to remember what he has said.We need God's help - forgiveness and transformation - because we've used Words that Destroy.
Words that Build
Churchill
Winston Churchill, a great statesman, could be very damaging with his words: particularly to women:
One woman scolded him "Sir, you are drunk" - to which he replied "Madam - you are ugly, but tomorrow I will be sober"
Another was exasperated: "Sir, if I was your wife, I'd put poison in your drink"; "Madam - if I was your husband, I'd let you"
Dangerous stuff - but Churchill also knew how to use words for good: "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills, we shall never surrender"
These words would stir the nation on to work to win.
And we can use words in a positive way as well, to win people to Jesus.
Proverbs has much to say about Words that build - words that help people
help people
Proverbs 10:20-21 The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value. 21 The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment.
So how can we use words to nourish people?
Truth and Honesty are the key: Proverbs 16:13 Kings take pleasure in honest lips; they value a man who speaks the truth.
Proverbs 24:26 An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.
We need to be careful with honesty: "I speak my mind" isn't good enough - take care: Proverbs 25:11 A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
That may even include rebuke (telling someone they've been wrong) - if we can do that wisely: 25:12 Like an ear-ring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man's rebuke to a listening ear.
We can, of course, just be kind and caring with our words - and that builds up: Proverbs 12:25 An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Words that build - we can use the power of words to help people.
witness
Our Lord Jesus wants us to be salt and light in the world - salt to challenge, light to show the way.
With the help of the Holy Spirit, if we take care with our words, speaking with truth and honesty, then we can be salt and light - in our workplace, or homes or wherever.
If we make a habit of using our words to good, that can be a really effective bridge for the Gospel to cross over.
We want people, don't we, to hear the most important Word - the Word of God in the Gospel: the message that Jesus is wonderful: the Saviour and Lord that we need. And it's not always easy to talk about that with people. But we can make a serious start on that by using the power of words to good - demonstrating, by how we speak, that trusting in Jesus makes a difference:
examples
"Look what a change there's been in Fred - he used to swear, now he doesn't;
he was always quick to put people down, now he compliments people;
he would always blab your secrets to everyone, now he never breathes a word.
He mentioned Jesus the other day as if he actually believed in him - perhaps that's why he's so different?
I wonder if he'd tell me about it..."But perhaps you're thinking: "If I don't Gossip, then I'll be left out of all the conversations, I won't be able to join in."
But people will know that when they want to talk about personal things, you can be trusted. They won't want to talk to each other about things that really matter - because they'll never know where it'll end up - but with you they'll know they're safe.
And if someone wants to talk about personal things, then there may be the opportunity to speak about Jesus with them, which would be brilliant.
Words that build.
Be Careful
Proverbs shows us The power of Words: there are words that destroy and words that build.
In those few minutes after my car crash, words could make all the difference.
"I'm a gobby person - I give as good as I get";
"But all I said was..." -
Is that what God wants?
Proverbs makes us think about what we say.
There are words that destroy: Lying and Gossipping and Quarrelling - it's easy, it's instinctive, but it's oh-so-damaging - we need Jesus' forgiveness, and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit.
There are words that build: Honesty, truth, praise, kind words - it may need work, but they can do so much good - even helping people to want to hear about Jesus.
Now this is all about Godly Wisdom - so we're left needing to do three things: to read and to think and to pray:
To read - over these proverbs once again
To think - carefully about what God is saying about what we say, and how we say it;
And to pray - asking for God's help to make the changes we need - he graciously receives us and forgives us because of our Lord Jesus, so let's be salt and light - and use the power of words so that people glorify him.